Royalty

 Why should an accident of birth make one person better than another? At the end of the day, we are all the same.  We all have hearts and brains and skin and lungs. What we choose to do with our lives may define us but I do not believe that anyone is innately superior just because of their parents.

I live in a kingdom. One internet definition of this is 'a politically organized community or major territorial unit having a monarchical form of government headed by a king or queen'. My country is packed into a unit with other countries because of the existence of a monarchy.  We are united and ruled by someone who has a job because of an accident of birth. A lucky sperm.

I realise it is not all wine and roses.  Prince Harry certainly feels that he has been the unlucky sperm and outlines his feelings in his ghostwritten autobiography Spare.  The book has sold exceptionally well, much to the annoyance of the press and news media in the UK who did their best to curtail sales whilst boosting their own by publishing all the juicy bits before it hit the shops.

France, America and Russia have all been sensible in going down the rebuild route.  I am not saying that these are model societies or any more equal but at least they have made an effort to get rid of the pseudo-mystical royalty bullshit.

My ancestors have been farmers and servants and shop keepers and nurses.  Many of them lived their lives in challenging environments and some of them did well for themselves.  To me, they are more valuable than kings but I realise that most of the world doesn't give a shit about them.  But at least, as far as I am aware, they never started any wars or invaded any countries.

My son will make his own way in life with whatever help I can give him.  It won't be much and he will need to work for what he wants in life.  He will be luckier than some. 

I wish every kid in the world was as lucky as my son.

Summer in Scotland

 I've been off work for the past week on holiday and I'm glad of it.  Temperatures have been in the high twenties and certainly warmer than Tenerife is in January.  We are lucky to have a garden and be able to cool down outside.  The nights are too warm at times and it highlights that we are lucky to have proper winters too.

The heat actually makes Scotland smell different.  It smells like a foreign country.  In this time of the virus and lockdowns and travel bans this is enough to make a holiday at home bearable.

As always I want more time off work.

Dystopian reality

 Over the years I've read a lot of dystopian science fiction, I've watched the movies and I've read the comics.  I never dreamt that I would be living the reality in 2021.  This morning I was out in the freezing cold queuing to get my first shot of the COVID vaccine, wearing a face mask.  I got on buses that were near empty and saw crazy people hanging around central station.

It's fucked.  On top of this, Donald fucking Trump continues to be the president of the united states of america, at least for the next couple of weeks and he basically incited an attempted coup that involved the storming of the capitol building in Washington D.C. by a bunch of freaks including fucking Ariel Pink.  In the UK we have an evil Tory government with Boris Johnston as out prime minister and cunts like Jacob Rees Mogg causing as much badshit as they can.

10,000 people in the UK have died with COVID-19 since Christmas leading to a grand total of 80,000 deaths related to a new disease in under a year.  Shit is majorly fucked up.

I miss my dad and some of my friends who are dead but in a way I'm glad they don't have to live through this shit.  I'm ok, I have a comfortable middle class existence but Scotland right now is fifty shades of bleak thanks to idiots voting for things like Brexit and the Tory party.

I hope the vaccine works at least a bit.  Not sure if anything will fix the damage to the UK after Brexit and COVID.  Hoping for Scottish independence but suspect that is unlikely.

The Testament of Gideon Mack by James Robertson

One of my favourite books isThe Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner by James Hogg and The Testament of Gideon Mack is a modern retelling of that story.  The original was published in 1824 and set in the late 17th and early 18th century.  Gideon Mack is set between the 1950s and 2005.  The best way to enjoy these books is to read both.

I read Justified Sinner at school, possibly for SYS English or higher English and I loved it.  A few years back I saw a play in the Tramway theatre that was an adaption of the book (again modernised) and more recently I have been trying to read other novels that borrow from Hogg.  Gideon Mack is one of the best.

I understand that Robertson won prizes for Gideon Mack and made the long list for the Booker prize. The book should have won in my opinion.  It is well written, readable, thought provoking and sad whilst being funny.

Gideon Mack follows the format of Justified Sinner with an introduction from the 'editor', the main text from the Testament written by Mack, and a fact checking post-script commissioned by the editor.  Taken as a whole, like Justified Sinner, Mack proves to be an unreliable narrator.

The story tackles religion, belief, hypocrisy, happiness, sadness and concepts about truth, self reflection and evil.  The characters are well rounded.  The world portrayed is similar to the Scotland I have grown up in.

I encourage everyone to read this book.  I'm sure it will be a feature of Scottish Literature courses until Scottish Literature courses no longer exists.  It will be constantly compared with it's ancestor and there will be discussion about shared characters and sly nods from Gilmartin.

I intend to read more of Robertson's books.

The land of your forefathers

I'm lucky in that I grew up with a strong sense of identity.  My parents told me about my family history, I knew my grandfather well and I spent time at the places that were important in the family history.  I spent time in the wilds of the west of Scotland enjoying the rain and the wildlife.

My partner has some non-Scottish heritage and she had never been able to visit the place in Italy where her family came from.  Sadly, her father never got the chance to take her and her mother had never been.  Last week we were, as a family, on holiday about 60 kilometres from the village and we decided to go there.  I'm really glad we did.  It was amazing.

We decided to club together and get a taxi to take us on the drive to the village and wait for us as we did some sightseeing.  Initially we went to the local tourist office and picked up a bunch of maps and leaflets.  We didn't know much about the area but it turns out that it's an alpine ski resort that is very busy in the winter.  We then managed to find the church where her grandparents were married.  It was a beautiful building in the middle of town and we were able to go in and look around.

We had an address for the building where her nona (gran) had lived as a child.  Thankfully the village was small so we managed to find it.  I also managed to find a bunch of really cool wee lizards which is always enough to keep me happy.  My partners' aunt had managed to give us the phone number for a second cousin, who as luck would have it, had the day off.  After a quick phone call distant cousins were introduced and we had a guide for the next hour or so.

The Italian cousin drove us to another, older church, decorated with a fresco of the danse macabre, that stood within the village graveyard.  It was beautiful, well kempt, with family gravestones adorning the walls of the graveyard.  We found one of the family stones and it had a photograph of nona, beside her siblings.  Sadly, the stone for nono's (grandad's) family had been moved and we couldn't find it.

Outside the graveyard was a war memorial.  On it was the name of my partners great uncle who had died during the first world war.  He was 21.  I was reading a kindle book on world war 2 history which has been driving home the insanity of war and this brought some life to it.  I was also reminded of my dads cousin who died during the second world war in Burma.  In the beautiful alpine surroundings of this village at the foot of the dolomites why would anyone want to leave and die for rich men?

Tourist season had just ended and we sat down to eat a late lunch in a local bar.  I had some cheese and cured beef with bread.  It was a hot day.  Unfortunately we had to get a taxi back to the resort but we were ecstatic with this brief look into family history.  We will go back at some point and stay for a week.

I know how I feel when I stand on a certain beach in Kintyre and watch the seals with the wind blowing so loud I can't hear.  I wish I could stay there, in that old house above the stables, beside the sea, but that is not my house and I cannot have that life.  The choices I have made have given me a different life.  I also know how I feel when I stand at the top of the hill at the croft on the island in argyll and I wish I could be there too but my life is in the city and the populated areas but I know where part of me came from and I know that it was not perfect.  I hope my partner felt that way when we were in the alpine village and we will go back and explore it more.

Homebuilding

I've not updated the blog too much over the past month or so.  I've been busy doing domestic stuff.  We bought a house a few months ago and I've been busy trying to sort out things related to that.  I'm not a practical person.  I'm actually fairly clumsy and I can mess up any DIY project, no matter how small it is.  For that reason we've been getting in tradesmen to do most things.  Thankfully, through friends, family and contacts we have been able to get most stuff done.

I know I'm a lucky man and I'm happy.  Life has challenges but for the most part things have worked out for me.  I've worked hard over the years but I have almost everything I want in life and I have everything I really need.  It's important to remember that not everyone is as lucky as me and life is harder for most people.

I'm lucky that I was born and grew up in Scotland.  I'm lucky that I got an education and managed not to fuck up much along the way.  I'm lucky that I've got a job that pays the bills.  I'm lucky that I met a woman who is willing to put up with me.  I've had good friends who sadly have had different paths in life.  I read books, I watch TV and I think about things.  Most of the rest of the world has problems we don't have in the UK.  Living on an insignificant island at the edge of Europe has some advantages.

Around the new house I've seen foxes, squirrels, frogs, grasshoppers and about a million wasps.  I lived in a slightly dodgy part of the city before this so the wildlife makes me happy.

The Glasgow ABC - a great venue

I love the ABC as a music venue.  I, perhaps against mainstream opinion, think it's the best music venue in Glasgow.  I actually like the ABC more than the Barrowlands.  I'm heartbroken that it has been damaged in the fire that has affected the Glasgow School of Art.

Looking through this blog I've seen a lot of bands there.

The Butthole Surfers
Modest Mouse with Johnny Marr
Battles
Conor Oberst
TV on the radio in 2011 and 2008 and downstairs in ABC2 in 2006
Crystal Castles
The Vaselines
Shellac
Sonic Youth playing Daydream Nation
Slint
The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Low
Bonne Prince Billy
Bob Mould
Belle and Sebastian
Supergrass (which I had totally forgotten)
My teenage idol - Jello Biafra

I've seen many other great gigs there too - Ministry, Dag Nasty, Television, Afghan Whigs, Teenage Fanclub, Dinosaur Jr (who were very loud), sleater kinney and many many more.  The sound was good, the views were great.  When I was younger I even went to the nightclub.  The staff were really nice.

I hope that the venue can be salvaged and that they get it repaired.  Glasgow needs the ABC.  Hell, I even remember seeing all the Police Academy films there with my dad when I was a kid and the first Batman film back in 1989.  The though of the building being damaged in a fire like this is just sickening.

My respect goes to all the firemen trying to put out the fire.

Avengers: Infinity War - film review

Popped into the cinema after work yesterday to catch this film.  I know I was a bit late but it was worth it.  I'm assuming most people will have seen it buy now so this will be a bit spoiler-y so stop reading now if you haven't seen it.

Infinity War is the 19th Marvel Cinematic Universe film and it helps to have seen several, if not all, of the previous films to fully understand and appreciate this film.  It's an epic, both in length and in
the scope of the story.  The action spreads from Waverly Station in Edinburgh to Africa, New York and then across the universe.  Almost every MCU movie character appears (although there was no real sign of the Netflix characters).

The big bad is Thanos, a character familiar to comic book readers.  I've never been a massive fan of the big purple troll.  He's a genocidal necrophiliac.  By this I mean that he is in love with a physical representation of death (at least in the comics).  He is not a corpse fiddler to the best of my knowledge.  In the film, he wants to improve the universe by killing half the population of reality to reduce overcrowding.  He is logical, in a warped way.

To help commit his crazy crime he needs to track down the Infinity Stones, seeded throughout previous Marvel films to complete the Infinity Gauntlet, as featured in the comics when I was a kid.  Thanks needs to kill a lot of people to have the opportunity to kill more people.  The assorted Marvel heroes do their best to stop him.

Dr Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) features in a prominent role as the only intelligent superhero who actually knows what is going on.  He is supported by occasionally useful idiots, Tony Stark, Spiderman, Thor and the Guardians of the Galaxy.  Apart from Strange, the other heroes are brave but fairly stupid.  There are funny moments and laugh out loud moments.

The space action is slightly more fun that the moody Captain America led Earth action.  All the heroes on Earth are more serious and intense and a lot of them are wearing black.  It was nice to see Wakanda and the supporting cast from the recent Black Panther film in prominent roles.

The film was actually slightly less apocalyptic that I expected.  I sort of expected that everyone would be wiped out although that would be an end to the franchise.  I'm looking forward to Avengers 4 which I think will be out next year, as well as the intercurrent Ant Man 2 and Captain Marvel films.

I want to watch this again when I get a chance.  It's better than Avengers 2 and it may even be better than Civil War.  Currently, I think the best Marvel film so far has been Dr Strange but I reserve the right to change my mind.

Frank Quitely at Glasgow Kelvingrove

I visited the Frank Quitely exhibition at the Glasgow Kelvingrove Museum for the second time today.  I'd been lucky enough to be invited to the opening night a few months ago and I wanted to have a slower walk around the show when it was a bit quieter.  The show finishes on the 1st of October so a bonus Friday off work gave me the perfect opportunity to visit the show.

Quitely is the pen name for Scottish artist Vincent Deighan, a graduate of Glasgow School of Art who has ended up being one of the most admired comic book artists in the world.  He seems to have fallen into comic book art after trying to find work as a commercial artist in Glasgow in the late 1980s.  His first published work was in the first issue of Scottish underground comic/Viz rip off Electric Soup.  I actually bought that comic when it came out and I really liked his strip The Greens although the actual comic was quickly confiscated and disposed of by my dad.

The Greens was a parody of the Broons, a perennial Scottish comic strip favourite initially drawn by Dudley D Watkins for DC Thompson in Dundee.  Watkins also created Oor Wullie and Desperate Dan amongst others.  The exhibition showcases some of Quitely's early Green's art as well as original Watkins art from the 30's, 40's and 50's.  I was particularly impressed by the painted cover art from one of the first Broons annuals.

On this visit I made full use of the audiovisual parts of the exhibition.  There were interviews with Quitely as well as his most famous (and fellow Glaswegian) collaborators Grant Morrison and Mark Millar.  It was interesting to hear them talk about developing story lines, character design and art techniques.  Quitely also highlights his own artistic development, highlighting art from a rejected Lobo comic as well as the rejection letter from the DC editor that helped him to re-evaluate his artistic approach to comic book storytelling.

The exhibition highlights the working methods of a comic book artist, often starting with doodles and thumbnail sketches on a comic script then developing through progressively more polished drafts until the final coloured and polished art appears in the printed book.

Morrison and several of the other talking heads in the films talk about how good he is.  At one point, after starting to work on the X-Men comic at the start of the century, a lot of comic book fans were expressing their dislike for Quietly's art.  A concerned editor asked him if it was hurting his feelings.  Quitely, was impressive self knowledge as well as self confidence, said that he knew more about art than these fanboys and he knew he was good so he didn't care.  He was right.

I've met Quitely a few times over the years.  He's a nice bloke.  He's drawn sketches for me and he has signed my books.  He has produced many pages of beautiful comic book art and he has worked with some great writers.  He deserved this show at one of Glasgow's finest buildings as he is one of Glasgow's finest modern artists.

I'd love to visit it again but it's finishing pretty soon.

Jackie Leven should have been more famous

Ian Rankin regularly references Jackie Leven in his books.  I never really knew his music.  Rankin eventually recorded a CD with him and curated (I think) a free CD that came with a music magazine a while back.  That CD was my first exposure to the music of Jackie Leven, and it was pretty good.

More recently, a Leven shaped light bulb went off above my head.  I'm not entirely sure why but I decided to listen to some more of his stuff on youtube and some of it really clicked.  Tracks like 'My Spanish Dad' and 'The Sexual Loneliness of Jesus Christ' really say something to me. 'My Spanish Dad', in particular, pulls my heart strings and often brings a tear to my eye for personal reasons.

Leven was a great talent but he never became famous.  In the late 60s he started to make music, initially releasing an album under the name John St Field, on a Spanish record label in 1975.  He then fronted the new wave band Doll by Doll.  Sadly their music is not easily available in physical formats not.  He was badly assaulted in 1984, losing his voice and he was subsequently addicted to heroin for a while.  He collaborated with Glen Matlock of the Sex Pistols in the band CBI in around 1988 before   leaving the public eye for a while.

He returned to music making publicly in 1994 and released more than 20 records before his death from cancer in 2011. He played folk with a contemporary feel, employing samples with his acoustic guitar.

There is a lot of music and I have certainly not heard much of it.  It is worth dipping a toe in.  The Rankin curated CD was called 'Heroes can come in any size' and came with The Word magazine.  It's also available in MP3 format from Amazon.

He should have been a household name.

A sunny day in Glasgow

We've had some cold weather this week and as you may imagine it has been a tough week as we held my fathers funeral a few days ago.  I'm still a bit tired but getting on about as well as expected.  After snow just a few days ago it is very pleasant today with sun in Glasgow.  I didn't need a jacket when I was out earlier.

I bought my mum lunch in a posh local hotel.  She's been spending some time in the garden and she's trying to catch up on sleep.  She's looking better.  Looking after a loved one as they die is hard.  I'm glad I'm close to home.  I started this blog when I lived in England over a decade ago and I made a clear decision to return to Scotland to be closer to my parents.  I'm glad I made that decision now.

Adult life involves a lot of responsibilities and balancing things.  Some people just walk through life avoiding things but that doesn't always work.  Duty is important and if your parents have been good to you, you should be good to them.  My mum needs space for her own grief but it is important to be nearby if she needs me.

Trainspotting 2

I went to see the new Trainspotting film today.  I remember seeing the original film in the cinema when it came out.  I had read the book as well.  I've attempted to read some of the various sequels and prequels to the book but the film Transpotting 2 is really its own beast.

It didn't really capture the adrenaline buzz of the original film but it still had something to say.  It's a film about growing older, regrets, death and family.  Given the death of my father earlier this week some of those themes really hit home with me.  He liked watching DVDs and I think he would have liked to see this film.

I'm glad I saw this in the cinema although I'm not sure I'll rush to see it again.  Great soundtrack from Young Fathers amongst others.

death

My dad died a few days ago.  He had been sick for a while.  He had suffered while he was sick so in a way his death was a release but it's still sad.  I wish I could have made him better or got him out of hospital or somehow fixed him but all of that was impossible.

His health care was varied.  Some health care professionals were good and kind.  Some were ignorant, dismissive and borderline cruel.  I would not want to be admitted to the initial ward he was on.

I got time with my dad in the last 6 months.  I was able to talk to him a bit and say some things to him.  I didn't manage to say absolutely everything I would have like to say but I probably said the most important stuff.  I would have liked my dad to have been around for longer.  I'd have liked him to see me buy a house with my partner, I'd have liked him to see me get married and I'd have liked him to be a grandfather.  Sadly those things will be missed by my father.

My dad gave me a lot in life.  He gave me a great early childhood in many ways and I had many opportunities that other children do not get.  He encouraged me to learn and read and seeded many lifelong interests in me.  He protected me and my mother.  He was not perfect but nobody is.  I will miss him.

RIP

Drawing

I used to draw a lot when I was a kid.  I guess this was because I was an only child and I didn't always have much to do where I grew up.  I was also a massive comic book fan so I drew my own comic books as a kid.  I was never any good but I did it a lot.  It was always something enjoyed but I knew I did not have the ability to make a career out of it.  I always fancied myself more as a writer but life eventually got in the way and I put my dreams away in a box and got a real job.

Bills need to be paid and I have expensive tastes.

Recently I saw an advert for a course on creating digital comics at a local college and I decided to give it a whirl.  It's on the night when my partner has her yoga class so it gets me out of the house and it doesn't interfere with joint plans.  I had the first class this week and it was great fun.  I still enjoy drawing, just for my own pleasure and I don't mind if anyone else is interested.

The class was an interesting mix.  There are young kids, still at school, who seem to be into manga and pinky stuff as well as older blokes, some in their mid 40s, who are comic book nerds just like me.  The class is run by a bloke who has an art school degree and used to play drums in a sort of Godflesh style metal band.

We did stuff on basic drawing techniques as well as an exercise where we had to create a comic against the clock.  It was fun.

I'm looking forward to next week.  I'm not going to be Jack Kirby or Steve Ditko or anyone like that but I will have fun.  And hopefully draw some angry and bitter comic strips.....

I think journalism may be dying but it may also be coming back to life

As a child I wanted to be a writer.  I wanted to write comic books and science fiction novels.  Later on, I wanted to be a journalist, telling the truth on behalf of the people.  I wanted to fight censorship and do good stuff for people.  I wanted to catch all those lying politicians and shine a bright light on their bad deeds.

Hopelessly naive.

I used to respect the media.  I would read 2 or 3 newspapers a day.  I saw the BBC as a bastion of truth, noble, erect and trustworthy, standing tall against injustice, serving our proud British nation and   helping out oppressed people around the world.  I bought every single bit of the beautiful lie.

The old newspapers were always partial, depending on the whims of Lord Beaverbrook or whoever held the purse strings.  Over time, watching the Murdoch empire and the Daily Record, I realised that newsprint was often grubby.  The hands of tabloid journalists are often stained red with the ink of their gutter journalism.  No matter how hard they scrubbed, sometimes that spot of ink would inconveniently stay there as they were made to account for their writings years later.  Sales have fallen and the stature of British print journalism has diminished.

I still held the BBC in high regard.  Friends from other countries tell me that they have never trusted the BBC, that they call the BBC the British Brainwashing Corporation. That's pretty sad.  It is now clear that the BBC are partial, especially in the recent debate surrounding the Scottish independence referendum.  The BBC seems to be actively campaigning against Scottish independence.  One suspects that this may be to protect 10% of licence fee income.  It does feel like a step away from impartial comment.

The BBC has also been damaged by the horrific realisation that prominent members of the on-screen BBC staff were apparently rather unpleasant in real life.  These nasty realities seem to have been common knowledge around the BBC.  Nothing was done.  A strong institutional reputation was tarnished.

So the media of my childhood has betrayed me.  Betrayal is perhaps not the correct way to frame the situation.  It is perhaps fairer to say that I have come to see the media in it's true light.  My expectations of the BBC and Fleet Street were higher than they could reach.  It's not the fault of the media, it was my youthful innocence that was to blame.

In the future I guess the media will be different.  The bell has been tolling for newspapers for a while.  Print newspapers may not exist in 20 years time.  I think we will continue to have good quality written journalism on websites.  There will be a lot of dross out there but there will be some pearls too.  Unfortunately there is no editor online and you can always find some evidence to back up your maddest prejudices.  You must become an editor and you must filter things carefully and avoid becoming a member of the 'tin foil hat' brigade.

The decline of old media will hopefully lead to a maturation of the reader and the development of critical skills.  Hopefully with time we will begin to evaluate things and make our own decisions.  Sadly, the world is full of conspiracy nuts with poor filters.  We may need to rely on our paternalistic media overlords for some time.

That should be OK as long as they don't try to tell us how to vote........

......oh.

some music by the band I used to play bass for

After posting a bunch of old demo recordings of my own I had a chat with one of my friends from my old band Punani and he said it would be cool to upload some of our old music to bandcamp.  I've spent the evening uploading it and you should be able to stream it on the widget on this page.

I never really had a massive contribution to Punani.  I wrote all my baselines and I provided 'constructive criticism' to the songwriters but I only ever saw myself as the bass player in this band.  Having said that I sadly have to claim responsibility for the terrible band name.




So I played in this band between the ages of 19 and 22 from 1997 to 2000.  I was writing my own songs and playing with my own (slightly less motivated) band at the same time.  Punani was a bit like playing football on a Sunday for me.  Pointless fun.  Many good times were had.

Give it a listen.  Sorry for all the offensive bits.

Old music that was lying about

So on Friday I randomly went to see the Pet Shops Boys at short notice.  It was a really good gig and it sparked a memory of an old recording that I had made with a friend of dodgy covers on a 4 track.  We had recorded 'always on my mind', 'it's a sin', 'never ever' by all saints and 'circle in the sand' by Belinda Carlisle.  We might have done another Belinda Carlisle track.  We did all of that in one afternoon using an early play station as a drum machine.

I'm not sure what happened to that tape.  I wish I had it.  I went looking for it and I failed to find it.  What I did find was a collection of slightly less cheery songs from 1999 when I was pretending to be Lou Reed.  They are all pretty shit but Bandcamp didm't exist back then and it does now so I had a 'what the fuck' moment and stuck them all up (well 6 of them anyway).



Now this music is not very good and it is not well played but I wrote it and spent time with it so why not just let it exist somewhere other than a rotting CD in a pile.  It was mainly written after the accidental death of a friend at a young age and the words are mainly about coming to terms with grief and death.  Cheery stuff.  Very angry.

All of that was about 15 or 16 years ago.  I really wanted to be a rock star until I was 21.  The only real problem was a lack of ability or good looks.  Most of these songs were played in a full band format with a few friends but we never got our shit together enough to properly record any of it.  There are probably some 2 track rehearsal tapes somewhere but I doubt I could ever be bothered to find them.

Additionally there is another track recorded for a laugh in 2007.  It sounds a bit better because a friend played some guitar on it and we used a computer.  We were listening to a lot of Violent Femmes stuff at the time so we just ran with it.



Other than this I have some recordings from a band called Punani that I played bass for.  I'm not going to put any of that on here as it's not all mine.  It's not fair to put anything that would embarrass other people out in the public domain.

The first band that I was in had a hundred names but was mainly called the Divers.  I have a large box of tapes but none of it was recorded properly (well maybe one song on an 8 track and a Nirvana cover for a tribute tape).  I would put that up if it was in a decent format and I could find it but I can't.

Anyway, this stuff is now in public.  The 1999 stuff is sad and angry and a bit rubbish.  The 2007 song is sad in a different way and a bit rubbish.

It exists.  That is all.

Bad stuff can happen at any time

We often think we are bulletproof.  We think that bad stuff can happen to us.  We live comfortable lives in nice places.  Nobody shoots at us.  Most of the time we are safe.  We are still relatively young.  Plenty of time to just keep your head down and work.  Save money for the future.  Live for the future.

It sounds nice, doesn't it.

It's not always true.  August has in many ways been a month of bad stuff.  None of it, I hasten to add, has affected me personally, directly.  I've personally not had anything bad happen to me although some things have brought life into a greater clarity.

So this month one of my colleagues, who is a couple of years younger than me (early-mid-thirties) has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She has two young daughters, her parents live on the other side of the world, her husband hasn't got a job right now.  It's not the worst possible scenario medically but it's not good.  The future is uncertain.  She's so young.  Her family is younger.

Earlier in the week I had attended the funeral of the mother of a close friend.  She was relatively young but she had lived a good, complete life.  She met 3 of her grandchildren and had many good things in life.  Her children and her husband were with her as she died at home.  That was good.

In addition to these two stories I was also saddened to hear of the death of the teenage son of two very nice colleagues.  The poor bloke, who I had met once, had been ill for some time.  Expected but still unspeakably sad.

This might all sound like a torrent of misery but it shouldn't be.  I guess the point of this bit of writing is to say that you should live for just now.  Live your life as fully as you can all the time.  Plan for the future but do not bet your life on the future.  Life is short and transient so it is important to have as good a time as possible while you are alive.  Take sensible chances and if you are in a situation you don't want to be in, change it.

I'm a lucky bloke.  I've got a great life.  I'm well paid, I enjoy my job (sort of), I have a decent flat and I get to do what I want to do most of the time.  I realise a lot of people are not as lucky as I am.  Sometimes it's good to just sit back and think about how good things are.

So, carpe diem everyone.  Just be nice to everyone else while you do it,

Scotland in November

On holiday in the west coast of Scotland. It's raining a fair bit but still some decent views.

iPad photography

I've been on holiday near Oban and I've been experimenting with the camera on the iPad.  I've had some decent results